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Jeesh! The things some people assume( and always the same people I notice) when what I have to say involves pointing out that men in my world are very aggressive. I do not play games. I appreciate a few weeks to get to know someone romantically. Hand holding, hugging, passionate kissing are all on my wish lists then and are reserved only for those I can sincerely see myself with in a completely intimate relationship down the road.

This used to be the norm just two decades ago when I was last single and then married and I have not made myself available as I was raising a young child on my own. Any attempts I made to date were met with a schedule of demands ending in an expectation of full sex on or before the third date. If I refused this agenda I was considered "high and mighty" and a waste of time, much like some of my critics here characterize me.

I was not asking anything I did not fully offer in return.
Not everyone is yanking someones chain, playing games or dicking someone around
by waiting a few weeks to a few months to be sure they want to have the deep bond they experience with sexual activity.

Some of us don't like the feeling of sharing something that matters enough to us not to share
with everyone who finds us physically attractive just because that's what THEY think we should do.

Page Turner wrote:Jeesh! The things some people assume( and always the same people I notice) when what I have to say involves pointing out that men in my world are very aggressive. I do not play games. I appreciate a few weeks to get to know someone romantically. Hand holding, hugging, passionate kissing are all on my wish lists then and are reserved only for those I can sincerely see myself with in a completely intimate relationship down the road.

This used to be the norm just two decades ago when I was last single and then married and I have not made myself available as I was raising a young child on my own. Any attempts I made to date were met with a schedule of demands ending in an expectation of full sex on or before the third date. If I refused this agenda I was considered "high and mighty" and a waste of time, much like some of my critics here characterize me.

I was not asking anything I did not fully offer in return.
Not everyone is yanking someones chain, playing games or dicking someone around
by waiting a few weeks to a few months to be sure they want to have the deep bond they experience with sexual activity.

Some of us don't like the feeling of sharing something that matters enough to us not to share
with everyone who finds us physically attractive just because that's what THEY think we should do.

Not trying to offend you, but you're kind of coming across as pretty woman complaining about her beauty.

There are women that would hang you by your bra to have your complaints.

Your assignment, should you accept it, is to NOT become so jaded that you let the casual comments from the good guys go unnoticed.

I admire your boundries. They're admirable, sincerely.

I just wonder how you would feel about your appeal if men NEVER hit on you.

Many a good man has the attributes listed by the OP, but are not austintatiuos about said attributes.

I'm not trying to twist your words. Just suggesting that life is more enjoyable when one appreciates what they have rather than be upset by what they don't.

just a thought

I appreciate a few weeks to get to know someone romantically. Hand holding, hugging, passionate kissing are all on my wish lists then and are reserved only for those I can sincerely see myself with in a completely intimate relationship down the road.

This used to be the norm just two decades ago when I was last single and then married and I have not made myself available as I was raising a young child on my own. Any attempts I made to date were met with a schedule of demands ending in an expectation of full sex on or before the third date. If I refused this agenda I was considered "high and mighty" and a waste of time

Page,*I* really get what you're saying here.
While i was happily ensconsed in a nearly 20-year relationship (no children),i had absolutely NO idea how the Dating Scene had changed over those two decades.
NO IDEA.
When i finally started dating again,i was shocked.
SHOCKED,i tell ya
It used to be that you met someone, and took some time getting to know them (meanwhile hoping you were getting into a significant relationship )and then you started having sex.
Two decades on...............Sex first,baby and if ya lucky,maybe a relationship........????

Least that was *MY* experience and at first,i wanted to tread cautiously til i had a fair idea of what i might be getting into.
I really wanted to take it slow,but i quickly learnt that's the Kiss Of Death for *some* men and they wouldnt stick around............sigh..........
You can only be yourself and do whats right for *you*,
HUGS

levi501s wrote:

Page Turner wrote:Jeesh! The things some people assume( and always the same people I notice) when what I have to say involves pointing out that men in my world are very aggressive. I do not play games. I appreciate a few weeks to get to know someone romantically. Hand holding, hugging, passionate kissing are all on my wish lists then and are reserved only for those I can sincerely see myself with in a completely intimate relationship down the road.

This used to be the norm just two decades ago when I was last single and then married and I have not made myself available as I was raising a young child on my own. Any attempts I made to date were met with a schedule of demands ending in an expectation of full sex on or before the third date. If I refused this agenda I was considered "high and mighty" and a waste of time, much like some of my critics here characterize me.

I was not asking anything I did not fully offer in return.
Not everyone is yanking someones chain, playing games or dicking someone around
by waiting a few weeks to a few months to be sure they want to have the deep bond they experience with sexual activity.

Some of us don't like the feeling of sharing something that matters enough to us not to share
with everyone who finds us physically attractive just because that's what THEY think we should do.

Not trying to offend you, but you're kind of coming across as pretty woman complaining about her beauty.

There are women that would hang you by your bra to have your complaints.

Your assignment, should you accept it, is to NOT become so jaded that you let the casual comments from the good guys go unnoticed.

I admire your boundries. They're admirable, sincerely.

I just wonder how you would feel about your appeal if men NEVER hit on you.

Many a good man has the attributes listed by the OP, but are not austintatiuos about said attributes.

I'm not trying to twist your words. Just suggesting that life is more enjoyable when one appreciates what they have rather than be upset by what they don't.

just a thought

You don't have to try you are!

This has nothing to do with how attractive I think I am!

How much more clear do I have to be?

What gaul to suggest I "appreciate" being leered at, pressured ,even mauled simply because I would like to spend time in the company of an adult male?

You are suggesting that the price I pay for being "attractive" is to be flattered by unwanted and unsolicited advances that I clearly communicate are not

what I am comfortable with immediately. I am no where near as harrassed as I used to be around this "you're attractive ... so put out" philosophy, as I am now

over 50. The stand I am frequently subjected to now, if and when I do go out, is "you are single ... so put out". "There are plenty more attractive than you

and younger, who do!" Like I care. Like comparing to motivate me to compete with a lowered standard and common expectation is a reason to be intimate.

You completely missed the part where I said I don't want to experience the bond I do when I am sexual with someone without some awareness and basis for a

relationship. Nothing to do with thinking I am attractive or not. Nothing to do with not appreciating what I have. It has everything to do with valuing what I

have and what feels right to me. The only reason I can think of that that sentiment would be reduced to "I am attractive and don't appreciate the attention

others would like", is the inability to see me as a human being, not just someone who is " attractive" and should be damn happy for the attention.

THAT kind of attention, given to anyone and everyone, right out of the gate, I would AND do gladly do without and for good reason!

Page,
We all go through it. I hear what you're saying. Sometimes the best you can do is be true to yourself. Someone told me recently, "Funny, it's only the guys that you turned down, who are complaining." Sometimes opinions are important, sometimes they are not.

The only opinions that really count in the end are OURS.

Page Turner wrote:You don't have to try you are!

Sorry. Truely wasn't my intent.

On Topic:

To me, the list in the OP is what I expect to mutually exist in ANY relationship I participate.

just a few thoughts

To treat the other person in the way they'd like to be treated seems to sum it up to me.....

Page, you are being a little too prissy and emotional here. In my humble opinion.

The world changes and we have to change with it sometimes.

Your posts suggest very little consideration of what men want.

Markets and customers change so businesses have to change to meet their expectations.

When we are looking for a partner, we are all a product (and a service) offering ourselves to another human being .

i have no doubt there are plenty of men out there that will treat you as you wish, the trouble is they are already proving difficult to find and data would suggest the numbers are dwindling in your immediate vicinity. Do you have time to find and secure a sale before you or he dies ? Are your sales and marketing, your product offering even, appropriate for customers you can reach effectively and in sufficient number to find what you want ?

Right now, given what you have said, logically you have two choices. Change your expectations or do something to increase your chances of finding the man you want.

It is that simple.

I must say that I am very lucky to have met a relatively wide range of people from different cultures age ranges and backgrounds in my life so far in comparison to most people.

I find people to be generally the same. The ones that swear too much, the ones that 'pretend' too much, those that pray too much, those that slept around a bit, those that didn't. They are often different coatings covering up very similar human beings that just happen to express themselves differently on the surface.

A guy that wants to check out your sexual potential on the third night isn't necessarily any worse a prospect than a guy that conforms to your ideals.

You may very well find your diamond in the rough and a bit of safe sex along the way to find him is probably not going to kill you IF THAT IS WHAT IT TAKES to find him. We all only live once don't we ?

It's a little off topic but... I used to complain about guys checking out boobs and stuff UNTIL I met a friend at a gay bar in town. There I was in a bar packed full of men and NONE of them noticed me. It was the oddest sensation; like I didn't exist. I realized I had never been anywhere before where I hadn't felt attention from men (whether it was welcome attention or not). I didn't like it, not one bit... certainly changed my perspective.