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I'm very lost right now and don't know what to do. My girlfriend informed me through a txt message last night that she is pregnant. We have been fighting the past few days and she said that she didn't wan't to talk about it and that's why it was sent through txt. I have no kids and this is probably the biggest news I have received in my life. I told her that I understand that she doesn't want to talk and that I will be here for her, whatever she needs. Her next text was "I don't have many options at this point you know that, I can't have a baby right now". I told her that I will support and be there for her with any decision. I have been going through so many thoughts, do I want this child, is our relationship going to break because of this. She's very upset and lost right now as am I, I feel that I need to stay strong though and my number one focus is to comfort her. I'm going over today to discuss this with her, do you guys have any advice? Supporting words? I'm trying to stay strong, what she doesn't realize is that I'm going through the same thoughts, concerns, worries. etc. as her. I feel that if I told her that I wan't the child and know that she doesn't it would just add more stress on her and push us further apart. I'm looking for advice as to how I should handle this, help me find the right words to comfort her. I understand that it is ultimately the womens decision, it's her body but it's my child too. Thanks for reading.

Wow, Op...you sound stuck between a rock and a hard place...my heart goes out to you.

Talking it out, really is the only recourse you have...try to stay calm and understand that you are dealing with a hormonally driven pregnant woman. Every woman is different and how they deal with the influx of hormones is completely up to their physiological and psychological stamina. My only advice is to speak with her calmly, maintain a strong center, and avoid taking anything personally.

Good luck and best wishes...

I'd tell her how you really feel. Yes, ultimately it is her decision and let her know, as you apparently have, that you will support her in whatever decision she makes. However, I think it is best to make a decision with FULL information available. So if you are hoping to keep the child, don't be quiet in the interest of "not placing pressure on her"... if you don't let her know what's up for you, she might well decide to go the other way cuz you didn't seem all that interested. ya know what I mean?

Speak your truth and be supportive.

Best.

There are times when we can get really caught up in the thought of having a child without really knowing what is involved with raising a family.

I do suggest you be supportive, and talk together not at each other. Try as you can to make your decisions joint decisions.

Remember a child is for a life time, from messy diapers, crying all night, school, homework, sports, money, time, energy, love, patience, dating as teens, crying again, clothes, peer pressure ... sheesh ... it is a LIFE time commitment.

Good luck OP ... I truly hope things work out for the best.

Thank you for all of your advice, I am 30 and she is 29 with a 12 year old at home. She is a smoker and currently on a medication that she would need to abruptly stop if she was pregnant, these are concerns of mine as well. We have been together 5 months now so we are both not in love. I have a feeling she doesn't wan't this child at all and I will just have to deal with that decision. I'm not getting any younger, we would be an instant family. I don't want our relationship to be forced but I still can't get out of my head that she is pregnant with my child who I will never see, I'm neutral on abortion and never really thought about it until now. I can't see myself being a babies daddy. I always wanted to do this the right way, fall in love first, get married and then a child down the line. Well I have to accept what is going on and deal with it the best I know how. It's not going to fix itself. Thanks again.

Hi OP

I so feel for you, it's a tough place to be right now. First of all I would also suggest that you find support for yourself, while obviously those who have replied are happy to do so, we're just thoughts online and sometimes having someone in real life to talk things over from start to finish can help bring the thought processes to a more complete conclusion. There are helplines for fathers in this situation as well as the mothers.

The hardest thing for the man in this situation is that because he's not actually carrying the baby he has a limited say in the end result, I really can appreciate just how hard that must be. But be true to yourself and give her your honest opinion in amongst the vast amount of support she needs. While ultimately it has to be her decision, you also might find she values your thoughts. It's worth reading up on the long term emotional effects abortion can have, it's a factor I would suggest anyone contemplating having a termination should be open to. There is also the option of adoption. Another slant in this situation is the fact that her medication might have already affected the foetus so a termination might actually be the only option. It's always worth looking at something like with as much detachment as possible to get the facts as well as emotionally, it can help to clarify what might seem like an impossible choice. And it certainly is one of the toughest choices someone ever has to make.

Good luck OP, I wish you both peace and acceptance in whatever decision is made.

This is a very difficult situation, and it's sad that you say you are not in love, after 5 months, and that you've been arguing a lot, because that does make it more difficult. You can only say how you feel, and be sincere. Ultimately, the decision is hers, but she may be concerned that you would not want to be involved, and reassurance on that score, may help her realise she does have options. I know of a young couple who did have their baby adopted, they had both just started at uni, and she hadn't known she was pregnant. The laws must have changed, because they both receive photos and reports every birthday, and the child is 5 now. Also, I learned recently that he sends his ex-girlfriend flowers, on their daughter's birthday, despite them not being together, to show he hasn't forgotten. With regard to medication, whilst many drugs are contra-indicated, because we err on the side of caution, in some cases medication is continued, such as anti-epileptic drugs and anti-depressants, with no ill effect. It's important that she sees her doctor immediately, (and midwife if you are in the UK) who will refer her to an obstetrician, as soon as possible, and manage her medication.

Good luck... It's a tough job, being a parent, with many rewards too, and not something to be taken lightly or left to fate.