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This really disturbs me. You are with a company that has eliminated unnecessary jobs, unnecessary people, your sister is in a position to really help you shine, but instead she throws you under the boss. She should be doing everything to ensure you will not loose your job. I don't understand why she would put you in a no win situation. Sisters are supposed to have your back, they are not supposed to put you in a situation where you are overworked, stressed, & unable to complete your assignments. Doesn't she realize she is putting you at risk if word gets to the boss that you, for whatever reason, are behind on your work?

I think I would have a serious, not at work, sister to sister talk with her. I would give her one week to rectify the situation, after that I would go over her head. There is no sense in protecting her if she will not protect you. When it comes to my money I draw the line, sister or not doesn't matter to me. We expect this type of behavior from the other termagants in the office, but not our sisters. What is wrong with her? Her behavior is completely unnecessary & uncalled for, in fact it borders on disgusting.

Thanks everyone for the good advice...you all have some great points..I am considering it all..

I can't do the flex hours ( or at home) belinda, not allowed...and if I talk to the secretaries , she will see that as usurping her power....going behind her back...

I'm weighing the misery I'm in, to the misery that most anything I do will cause...

My job is secure mahogany..I am the only one who knows how to do it..lol..the only way I'd lose my job is if they shut the doors ( which lately looks like a possibility) or if I did something really bad/illegal...(highly unlikely...lol)

Joy: You have a point..but...the advantages to where I work are nice..it's less than 10 minutes from home, I'm not micromanaged, I basically get along with, like everyone I work with..it's very casual,,,and has some great freedoms I wouldn't get at a bigger, better paying firm...those have always outweighed the downside...and I basically love my job except for this recent thing...plus starting all over with the vacation and stuff...

I suck at assertive, though I've gotten much better as I've gotten older..and depends on what situation it is...whenever I have stood up to my sister ( professionally or personally)...she has made things much worse...( and I do love her, just working together is not easy)...while I can handle it...do I need the added stress?

Yes, savona the word most used to describe me is usually "nice"...sigh...I know it's boring and it means I often allow people to take advantage of me in some way because of it...but, I really don't know how else to be...mean just really sucks in my book...lol..I have been on the end of it enough to not want to do it to anyone else...do unto others etc...

The long term ramifications for work and my family dynamic are what is making me cautious...

I have taken everyone's advice to heart though, and I know it is good..

I'll let everyone know what ( if anything) I do...

Thanks so much...

dotcom: it's mostly my fault...I have let her be the leader ( actually, all my siblings have) both professionally and personally because she makes things really difficult when you don't..I thought keeping the peace and preserving the status quo was more important than a power struggle...she has always acted like the oldest in our family..though she is actually the third down out of six..she isn't all bad...

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zangie:

If she wasn't your sister and you were looking as an outsider at your situation, and at your sister's behaviour, you would call it bullying.

This is a UK site and so any law references aren't valid in the US, but to get some cool-head grasp on your situation try reading some of this site - please:

http://www.bullyonline.org/

It has information on the workplace and on the family. It will give you a lot more strength to allow you to be assertive, even if you don't tackle your sister about her behaviour. It gives a good insight into what is going on.

Please have a look.

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You say she isn't all bad only because you have gotten used to being treated this way. If my sister talked to me like that I would be shocked & in tears. Isn't it time you take back your control? You will feel much better when you do. Unfortunately you cannot change her, but there are ways in which you can deal effectively with her. There's an excellent book called Who's Pulling Your Strings, it explains how to deal with manipulative people. There is also this website on disarming a manipulator. How To Psychologically Disarm Those Who are Making your life Miserable. http://www.villagehero.com/newsletter-6.htm

Good luck & for your mental state don't allow this situation to fester to the point where it makes you sick.

Belinda, excellent suggestion.

Ya know, you are right..she is a bully... I would have never realized that though if it hadn't been put that way..and I'm sure she wouldn't see it either..she thinks she is nice and helpful for taking charge and all...she sees herself as our surragate mother, as our own had some issues...she has said that she was forced into this postiion..but, I think she chose it, whether she realizes it or not...

I feel so bad even saying all this..because I do love her, and we are close in many ways..and it isn't' always like this..

I don't know..keep weighing the fall out with how bad is my situation? No one is pressuring me but myself to get more done...and my ego is partly insulted , which is part of it...and I wonder if that isn't the bigger issue and I should let it go...

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The website i recommended has more but this could be relevant to your situation. If it fits, please read up here:

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/amibeing.htm

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm#Why

on being the target of a bully - not the victim, note.

The violence committed by a serial bully is almost entirely psychological, for psychological violence leaves no scars and no physical evidence. Most commonly the violence takes the form of verbal abuse and emotional abuse including trivial nit-picking criticism, constant fault-finding combined with a simultaneous refusal to recognise, value, acknowledge and praise. Manipulation, isolation and exclusion are other favourite tactics, as is feigning victimhood or persecution, especially when held accountable.

The objectives of serial bullies are Power, Control, Domination and Subjugation. These are achieved by a number of means including disempowerment, the stimulation of excessive levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt, manipulation (especially of emotions and perceptions), ritual humiliation and constant denial. When you live with someone who is constantly denying what they said or did a day ago, or an hour ago, or even a minute ago, it drives you crazy. When the symptoms of injury to health start to become apparent, the bully will tell others you have a "mental health problem". You may be mad, but this is not mad insane, this is mad angry.

Control is a common indicator of the serial bully at home - control of finances, control of movements, control over choice of friends, control of the right to work, control over what to think, and so on. All are designed to disempower.

Bullies within the family, especially female bullies, are masters (mistresses?) of manipulation and are fond of manipulating people through their emotions (eg guilt) and through their beliefs, attitudes and perceptions. Bullies see any form of vulnerability as an opportunity for manipulation, and are especially prone to exploiting those who are most emotionally needy. Elderly relatives, those with infirmity, illness, those with the greatest vulnerability, or those who are emotionally needy or behaviourally immature family members are likely to be favourite targets for exploitation.

http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm

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Zangie wrote:Here is my problem...these new responsibilities of mine partly fall under her perview..specifically a phone schedule..we no longer have a receptionist, and because my office is closest to the window...I get it about 90% of the time....normally, the secretaries divide up the phone schedule...it is part of their job description..for reasons I still don't know, but suspect have something to do with my being her sister, thus less likely to cause an issue, or be mad at her...she has assigned me the bulk of it...more than the secretaries, whose job it actually is to do this normally..in addition to the receptionist thing...

I don't understand Zange, particularly the bit about getting all the calls because you're nearest the window...?
Telephony is not "line of sight"....
I'm assuming you mean the extra 'Receptionist duties'..?

Is your sister your boss (at the company)..?
Does she have a 'higher pay grade'..?
It may be that your sister 'trusts you more' to answer the phone, than "the secretaries".
What are "the secretaries" 'doing' with the time they no longer spend on the phone..?
Are you in a position to delegate to the secretaries..?
If you are falling behind on your main task, and that task is critical to the success of the company, then you really need to prioritize, and take control, for the best interests of the company.
It has nothing to do with your 'perceived' relationship with your sister IMO.
She is letting you do it, because you're doing it, it's not a problem for her, she's presumably staying 'on-top' of her own duties.
Be professional (no offense) just say no, or delegate, if she doesn't like that, explain your workload to her, and the problems you not doing it, will cause....
JMO

Jo,i think the secretaries have all gone and,so there's no one left to delegate anything to !!

That's why its all ended up on Zangie's shoulders....

Roxy127 wrote:Jo,i think the secretaries have all gone and,so there's no one left to delegate anything to !!

That's why its all ended up on Zangie's shoulders....

Aah Yes! Thanks Roxy, I've just re-read it, it was the present tense used, that confused me about the "secretaries duties"

In that case, I would just dump your 4 month backlog of "non-critical" work in her lap,
and make it her problem, or else bring it to the attention of the Boss, as others have said.
The longer you leave it, the worse it will get.
"Always make your worst call of the day, your first call of the day"....
I read that somewhere, and it used to work for me in that environment...

To be clearer..there used to be six secretaries and one receptionist...there are now three secretaries and no receptionist ( though I am mostly doing that job for them)...My sister is one of the secretaries....but, she is also the nominal personnel manager..such as it is...she has no real authority over me or my job...except that the EXTRA work im doing falls under her pervue as to the phone thing...and if I broke any "personnel" type rules...which I don't...she could say something about that...

She is also the sister with the heart condition...which also gives me pause as to upsetting her...

EDIT to add:

Belinda..thanks for the info..I think some applies to her...I allow her for a variety of reasons, but, none of them are because I am weak or afraid...just hate conflict if it isn't necessary, and it makes the work atmosphere more stressful than it already is due to the economic uncertainty..

It's a matter of whether what I want is worth the fallout? Is it that important in the scheme of things?

I just don't know yet...