POFUsers.com - Plenty of Fish Users Forum

Is blood really thicker than water?.........Having 'forgiven' a family member for behaviour that if a friend did, you would cut all ties, then the said person repeats the behaviour, what do you do?..Forgive again or do you have a cut off point 'enough is enough'

It depends what it is they did. If you cut all ties, then that has implications for the rest of the family, either making them feel they have to take sides or just feel uncomfortable. Friends, we choose, but can't family, we're stuck with them. Have had many fall outs with my brother...but it's been too upsetting for my mother, so while I know he's a spiteful and selfish, bad-tempered arsehole, at times, I refuse to be wound up, and bite my tongue, and keep my counsel.

Little bit sensitive..so try to explain without going into too much detail..

family member who suffers from a mental illness who refuses to take her medication and becomes violent and aggressive, says the most vile things and remembers saying them after the event.
Caused so much heart ache in the family, her children have decided to cut them off. The family have had too many years of abuse from this person..So now?

Mental illness is so difficult to cope with....have had two family members affected, but they were never violent or aggressive, just quite embarrassing at times.

So are her/his children cutting themselves off from the rest of the family, or had enough themselves, and unable to deal with their own parent anymore, and turning to the family for support? I don't understand about the significance of that person remembering what they've said in anger, after the event....do they apologise at the time, and then repeat the same spite next time? I imagine mental illness can be like the worst times of adolescence, when behaviour may not be particularly rational or reasonable, and difficult to forgive and make allowances for, but that at least does eventually pass. Until they conform with the medication I doubt they could be expected to behave as a balanced individual or make any logical decisions about their behaviour, it is difficult. What would happen if everyone withdrew contact?

Storm wrote:Is blood really thicker than water?.........

That's what they say....until there's an inheritance...

Having 'forgiven' a family member for behaviour that if a friend did, you would cut all ties, then the said person repeats the behaviour, what do you do?..Forgive again or do you have a cut off point 'enough is enough'

I'm on a "One strike, you're OUT" program.

This ain't no baseball game...

V~ your not very forgiving. I give two strikes... lol
Im close with my family even though half dislike my care free life style.
Im no push over when it comes to forgiveness, but I am developing a big heart in my older age.
Life is teaching me its OK to be soft. Just dont back me in a corner. The old Margo is in here.

EeeK! ... family and mental health and all it entails.

It would seem to me it's about looking after yourself, they may be family but if they pose a long term emotional (if not physical) threat then it's like anyone else, you look after yourself and your kids. Doesn't mean to say you don't still love and care about them but it's a thin line between caring and enabling, a thin line between support and collusion, a thin line between stepping out of the circle and continuing the family pattern. Can't say I ever got it right myself tbh Dawn, there were times when I put my children first to the detriment of the sufferer, you can only do what seems right to you. Good luck hun. xx

Storm wrote:Is blood really thicker than water?.........Having 'forgiven' a family member for behaviour that if a friend did, you would cut all ties, then the said person repeats the behaviour, what do you do?..Forgive again or do you have a cut off point 'enough is enough'

People are accountable for their actions regardless of their positions within anyone's life. Albeit, family does get a wider berth in regards to indiscretions, but there is a cut off point for them as well; family is not immune to being removed from my life.

Do whatever you feel is right for you at the time. We often juggle too much and if family sh*t,friend sh*t or whatever sh*t is weighing you down too much save for real dependance and need then fcuk them.
That is excuse enough until or unless they learn to respect you and your boundries.

When we were kids father used to say that family will always be there for you. Nice sentimentality, but that just isn't always true. Sadly if your family is "dysfunctional" they can do you greater physical and emotional harm than anyone else.