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Geordie Colin wrote:

Pauline wrote:

Geordie Colin wrote:It baffles me when a parent does not make full use of the time that they are able to see there kids.
But what clouds the issue is the main carer using the children as a pawn so that they can vent there spleen at there ex.
So many do this and I can understand the abscent parent feeling the need to back off for there own sanity and happiness.
It results in the child/children being very confused and unhappy because too often they are not only made aware of confrontations etc,but are drip fed miss information so that there thoughts and feelings are manipulated.
There is little wonder that some parents feel pushed away by the position that there put in.

If anyone worth their salt wanted to see their kids, they would crawl over hot coals to do so, no matter what games were being played. They would at least keep the lines of communication open.

I am in full agreement with that.

Every other weekend and one night in the week for dinner, 1 week in the summer, alternate christmas. Pretty flexible and often have them at short notice if i'm not doing anything and they want to come over or i'll have them extra if the ex and her new husband are going on holiday.

Ex has them every other weekend collect from school fri return sun, and every sat, half all school hols, Christmas day mine Boxing day his ......is this working no, is he supporting his children no.....did help his son get extra support at school no !!!! and theres no flexibility in this..., as it is always on his terms only ....

My situation is weird both because of my ex's job and because he is just strange. His child support is paid on time and I get more than most people so I am thankful for that but it is difficult because he doesn't pay half the medical expenses and many other things he should be contributing to. I don't think it is worth going to court over. He does wind up buying groceries, things the kids like and leaves them here, occasionally will get something for my daughter to cook and set him aside some of it, but he never has them at his place so I guess while I choose to perceive it as a little extra coming our way it really makes up for the meals he doesn't provide at his house.

My kids are 11, 15 and 18 and he will only take one at a time overnight averaging about once a year because he says he cannot handle all three kids at the same time. He attends about one or two ball games between football and baseball each between the two boys. My daughter is in a choir that has won four national competitions. She graduates in June and he has never heard her sing and likely will not bother to go to the recital she is having three days before graduation so that her grandmother can hear what she has sung throughout high school as grandma lives 1000 miles away.

I have never had scheduled access. As a railroad engineer he has very strange working hours, on a train for 12, off the train for at least 8, and he sometimes works that tight a schedule, other times he may have a free day between. Barring their scheduled activities my ex has always been welcome to pick them up or sit and watch television or whatever here. He sees them several times a week, usually for about an hour or so and generally the whopping big thrill of a trip to Wal-Mart or whatever fast food establishment he chooses that day. He has discovered that the kids are not always around anymore and he will wind up having probably not much of a relationship with any of them although they will do the "right thing" out of obligation and keep up some type of contact. He remains verbally and emotionally abusive which is why my daughter is going 1000 miles away for school.

Little has changed for us relative to the extended family, I still am the one that takes them to see their aunts and cousins now that my mother-in-law is gone. They went three years without seeing her because my ex would go visit when they were in school so he wouldn't have to mess with them.

I have just taken another beating in the Family Proceedings courts today.

My court order for contact continues to be ignored (after 2.5 years) and I am now being seriously investigated for allegedly hitting my daughter on the head with a cucumber.

You couldn't make this sh*t up !

FunkyMonkee wrote:I have just taken another beating in the Family Proceedings courts today.

My court order for contact continues to be ignored (after 2.5 years) and I am now being seriously investigated for allegedly hitting my daughter on the head with a cucumber.

You couldn't make this sh*t up !

I am really sorry to hear about this Funky. I truly feel that kids need BOTH parents and to take away one parent's right to see their children hurts the kids irreparably.

Mind if I ask where you live? I know here, in my area of Ontario that the courts try to keep both parents very involved. it is far more likely now to get joint custody here and many parents are doing this. But it means living close enough for the kids to attend school and activities without skipping a beat.

I sell real estate and so I see a number of split ups and this now seems to be the more norm. Joint custody, sometimes one week at moms and one week at dads, or split weeks.

Thanks for the supoport - it is appreciated.

im in North East UK.. Newcastle.

System is a disgrace. Sitting in court is like being an a sick monty python sketch with people trying to make out that completely normal innocent child behaviour or parent child interactions are perverse / abnormal. Then they collect their pay check and your kid gets abused by the state by denying them their basic right to a few hours with one of their parents.

You really do think ... hang on .. I have no record of any kind here nothing except a decent education 15 plus years of faultless parenting and these people are claiming because my kid tells their mum they trampolined of your bed it is a big deal...absolutely insane

They also take offense and punish you for trying to defend yourself. so for example .. challenge the views of the single "expert" they appointed and you are looked down upon severely, take too long to give evidence or introduce anything other than a very simplistic concept and they do the same. makes you not want to defend yourself because you get a better result .. like someone being abused not saying anything for fear of being hit again. It is that bad...


ah well..

I sell real estate and so I see a number of split ups and this now seems to be the more norm. Joint custody, sometimes one week at moms and one week at dads, or split weeks.

I asked for that but had to drop it after 2,5 years. Me asking for it has been seen as a sign of me being a trouble maker not as a dad that wants the best for their kid. I literally get laughed at. I live within 500 meters of mum. self employed... no excuse.. In my part of the UK the deal is .. if mum doesn't oppose shared residence they will make the order ... dumb since you go to court when you need the court to impose it because mum wont give it....

i'll get where i need to be after another 4 plus years of this. cases over 4 years are the norm if one parent is digging their heels in. absolutely nuts. Really should be simple .. you have x weeks to come up with any evidence parent is abuser, criminal, violent .. if you cant produce that (after all you were in a x year relationship with them...) then you get an order. Person breaks order they get punishment.

Oh no it is ..make an allegation= hearing after hearing for more evidence and reports.. .. eg ..mum stops contact then says says kid says dad changed their nappy in a field (you were in the country and they needed a nappy change ....1 mile walk or do it it in the field in which case the allegation would then be ... you let kid walk in a wet nappy for 1 hour or something similar..) so now you have 3-4 motnsh at least of investigastion into that "incident" i promise you it is that screwed up !