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Had an interesting conversation withh some friends recently. I have always maintained that I preferred to date someone who has children even if they are much ollder than mine. My reasons were that as a parent, they would hopefully understand that sometimes due to illness etc, plans have to be changed at the last minute...............they get that kids can sometimes be a PITA even if they are normally well behaved..................they are aware that as a parent, there are many demands on your time and that even though they may be forefront in your mind, you end up having to share yourself 4 ways!
My friend however, maintains that she would rather date someone with no kids. That way, he has no ties tht will prevent him from seeing her and can focus on her.
What are your thoughts on this? (apologies for a polarised thread, to those with no children)

ibakecakes wrote:Had an interesting conversation withh some friends recently. I have always maintained that I preferred to date someone who has children even if they are much ollder than mine. My reasons were that as a parent, they would hopefully understand that sometimes due to illness etc, plans have to be changed at the last minute...............they get that kids can sometimes be a PITA even if they are normally well behaved..................they are aware that as a parent, there are many demands on your time and that even though they may be forefront in your mind, you end up having to share yourself 4 ways!
My friend however, maintains that she would rather date someone with no kids. That way, he has no ties tht will prevent him from seeing her and can focus on her.
What are your thoughts on this? (apologies for a polarised thread, to those with no children)

It's not a polarized thread, I don't have kids but hitting the dating world in my fifties, it sure effects me. The man I'm dating now has 4, ages 13-29, yes, yikes, but I'm not an idiot, of course they come first, if they didn't he wouldn't be someone who interests me.

The good side of dating the childless is if you've got four, you're not dealing with eight, though some people have such close relationships with other family and friends that the interruptions and distractions come from both sides anyway. Such is life. I wouldn't limit my friends based on this issue.

I think it depends on the person you choose to date..They may not be able to have children but adore their nieces and nephews and understands the pressures at home.
You may meet someone who is very materialistic and now in their 40's does not want the complication of kids to spoil their peaceful equilibrium..
You may find someone who have kids of their own and you will find the complications of the divided time between yours, theirs, and time alone..
What I think you need to look at is the individual person, Their whole outlook on life..To be able to appreciate that even if they do not have children, it does not necessarily mean they won't understand.

I choose to date men without dependant children due to my current place in life. Mine are grown and gone and I expect the same.
I dont do the baby Mama drama B.S. period, and there always is.

Im in my 40's and dont have any children but i realize *MOST* people DO have children,so,its never, ever been an issue for me.

When i was actively dating,the fact that a guy was a Dad had a strange "allure" for me and it somehow added a whole new dimension to him.
Unless you're the type who thinks the whole Universe should revolve around YOU,i dont regard it as problematic at all.

Ive been burned a couple times in the last 10 years dating single moms , but what Storm said was spot on, It really depends on the individuals
some single parents shouldn't be dating for example some women (and some men in the same situation) use their kids as "human shields" to keep a potential mate at arms length.
These are people who because of bad experiences or just plain fear, cannot let themselves get that close to someone again. Sometimes they cling to the kids like wreckage from their sunken marriage/relationship, feeling as though by keeping that connection with the past, everything will stay the same as it was. They claim to want a relationship, but when it starts happening they start hiding behind their kids as a way to back the other person off without it looking like their fault.

ibakecakes wrote:Had an interesting conversation withh some friends recently. I have always maintained that I preferred to date someone who has children even if they are much ollder than mine. My reasons were that as a parent, they would hopefully understand that sometimes due to illness etc, plans have to be changed at the last minute...............they get that kids can sometimes be a PITA even if they are normally well behaved..................they are aware that as a parent, there are many demands on your time and that even though they may be forefront in your mind, you end up having to share yourself 4 ways!
My friend however, maintains that she would rather date someone with no kids. That way, he has no ties tht will prevent him from seeing her and can focus on her.
What are your thoughts on this? (apologies for a polarised thread, to those with no children)

I would have thought that as a parent most mothers sound out the guy as to his whole attitude to children and the demands of,rather than him only being interested in getting a date at a time of his choosing?

I don't have children, and I certainly don't dislike them..I love my nieces and nephews to death....I have had several men where the mom is totally out of the picture for some reason, or they have full custody, looking for a second mom for their young ( under 12 or so) children..I just don't have the energy for that anymore ( I am in my early 50's)...lol..plus, I like to travel and unplanned at times...even if mom is still a major part of their lives...I guess at this point in my life...I like the freedom to come and go and do as I please, when I want?

However I have dated men with teenaged children and that isn't usually an issue...unless there is a lot of drama etc from the mom..and I just would rather not have to deal with that at all..and I really hate when I see parents who, even after the divorce, are still using their children to bludgeon each other with...or control with...

I understand children are a priority and I would never get between a guy and his kids...but, depending on the situation, I would just find us incompatible to date...not making any judgments...

It's usually the relationship I have an issue with, never the kids.

I've dated both those with kids and those without - the person was always the critical factor. Having said that, people without kids DO have a steep learning curve. Theoretical parenting is almost invariably easier than real life messes.