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I have just read a thread about the Falklands...and I have a story that was written by a good friend of mine..which I would like to share....

I served as a Combat Medical Technician with 55 Field Surgical Team attached to 2 Field Hospital serving in the Falklands. I was at Port Stanley and moved to Fitzroy on Sir Galahad where we were bombed. I was on the tank deck awaiting disembarkation when the air strike happened and the bomb went of behind me and to my left. I was sitting on the front bumper of a Landover which shielded me from most of the blast. I just received a flash burn on my left hand. At first I was confused and disoriented and angry that the ship had turned off its lights (as I thought at the time). Actually the bomb had exploded and filled the tank deck with smoke. As reality crept in I understood that we had been hit. It was then I realised that I had to act and do my job as a medic. As the smoke started to clear I could see people running round, confused, hurt, screaming and shouting. I gathered to me what medics were available and proceeded to work on the wounded.

It was obvious that the fire was spreading and in the centre of the tank deck was a pile of munitions waiting to be disembarked. Basically a giant bomb waiting to explode! The exits to the rear were out of action so we had to move forward with our casualties. Whilst finding access to the boat deck along the bulkhead there was a guy very badly injured. He was disemboweled; one leg was off above the knee, the other missing below the knee. He was waving his arms and asking for help. I knew there was nothing I could do for him so I had to make a decision and I left him. I just walked past him with my casualty. I’ve felt guilt and regret for 25 years that I didn’t even say anything to him.

I came to the bottom of a stairwell and I saw two young Welsh guardsmen. They obviously didn’t think they were going to make it out. They shook each others hands, pointed their rifles to each others head and pulled their triggers. There was nothing I could have done to stop them. It was their decision. When I thought back about this incident I just felt so disgusted with myself that I’d felt no sympathy, remorse or other emotion and they killed each other in front of my eyes.

Eventually we gained access to the boat decks and continued performing our job. We were Casevaced ashore and re-kitted. I was then sent back to Fitzroy to work with the surgical team where I performed triage duties. I spent the rest of the Falklands war working with that unit. After the war ended we flew to RAF Lynham. My wife met me and we were driven back to our unit.

It took a while for the changes to manifest themselves. The first was that I increased my alcohol intake and was on the slippery steps to self medication. It was a number of years before people started to tell that I needed to be checked out because I was not the same person I used to be. I was becoming disruptive and my marriage suffered and ended in divorce. I left the army in 1989. Since then I have had 8 successive short term relationships which all ended in breakdown. I have had one long term relationship since the Falklands but we didn’t live together, it was only part time. That’s why I think it lasted so long. I didn’t know my behaviours were so destructive because they were sub-conscious. I wasn’t even aware at what I was doing.

I became self employed so I could work when I wanted to. I learned how to forget anniversaries mine, the war and my family. I then entered into another relationship which lasted 2 years and my partner became pregnant. After my daughter was born she didn’t want her brought up in the destructive environment I was creating so she left. That was when I had my first suicide attempt. I realised something was wrong and in 2000 I went to seek professional help. That’s when I was diagnosed with PTSD. Since then I’ve had one final relationship which lasted 12 months but she was dysfunctional and we we’re feeding each others problems.

I went through a huge period of learning and the first psychiatrist I saw recommended that I contact Combat Stress. I was disgusted when I went there because I was given no treatment - just a week’s respite care and then I was kicked out. Then I had to find something for my own well being and it took a long time. It took nearly 4 years before the NHS recognised me as someone who needed help and referred me to a psychologist. After this I was assessed and referred to a psychiatric support team. I got some good work done. But because I was having problems with my daughter’s mother and all the legal battle over custody I had to do a lot of work on myself. I qualified as a counsellor, parenting coach, anger management consultant, life coach, massage therapist and facilitator for the expert patient programme. I was slowly progressing with my own psychological intervention to deal with my own symptoms. I was taking sleeping tablets every night but often they wouldn’t work and I’d have the nightmares.

I was put in contact with Ty Gwnn at which a former 2 I/C of a unit I served in was running. By this time I’d had other suicide attempts. Then other avenues were opened up to me. I got a call from Robin Short to attend a training session run by David Walters and then the lights came popping on all over the place. The time I did learning “The Walters method™” not only allowed me to get over my PTSD I also allowed me to use the other techniques I had learned to finally find freedom. I’m now sleeping through the night without any nightmares. I only take sleeping pills after a particularly hard day at work and I can actually remember having normal dreams.

Many PTSD casualties have been let down so many times they’re afraid to go out of their comfort zone. They live in little cliques supporting each other, drinking, often taking drugs and letting out their aggression and misdirected anger. All I can say is give yourself permission to try it out. Give it a go. The training has certainly worked for me. I’ve had about dozen suppressed traumatic memories re-emerge since I did the training and I’ve dealt with them all using the techniques I’ve leaned. Even when I retold my PTSD story this time it wasn’t that tough - I’ve had a major break through that I’ve never experienced before.

Doug Padget, Cpl RAMC (retd)