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I know, right?
fell much better tonight
but I must say I'm glad
that I grew out of bytch games
at the tender age of...
well about 13

whatever
I'm not as clever
as I should be..
we'll see
what happens manana

I hide amongst the lights of the city.
This is probably not technically a city
but it has city limits
what more do they really need?

My prayer tonight:
God, help me to write
all these freaking papers
and study the chapters
don't let me fall behind
give me the strength to cook dinner
clean
and study
teach
my child something along the way
this is what I pray

and to quit smoking
amen

The wind pours through every surface... thorough, soothing, omnipresent
My movements are intentional, misguided, brash
I am not the fcuking wind

If my mind makes you think
somewhere along the way
you understood the true nature of my love
it is only because I wrote it under the influence

These words do not reveal
the pain inside I often feel
it never comes out
manifests in dreams
and then at once
like a volcanic eruption from the very core
I break free, mingle around like a whore

But this is not the wind
I might be water
could be seeking a father
to steer me better
always wetter
yeah
I'm fcuking water

I know what his first heart break will be...
just the same as it happened to me.
How it hurts a child so
to lose their Granny

They spoil us rotten
take up for our faults
money and candy
keep doling it out...

My mom looks amazing really
I see women who are just a few years older
and appear to be 80
next to her...
I hope I end up the same way
have to quit smoking
ugh, what was I gonna say?

Just thinking about the day that it happens
where will I be
shall my soul be able to bear yet another heartbreak?
I wonder how much I can truly take

I might have to send Wyatt somewhere to stay
while I work out the hatred I'll have on the day
my guide
my angel
my mirror image
and greatest privilege
mi madre
...
If she goes I will have no where to send him
She is the beacon of light on my darkest night
and I wish she'd just move closer

-------------

I thought of this because
just the other day
after climbing the hill
and standing around the graves
I saw my addiction
in each and every stone
I felt all the heartache
i accepted as my own...

Granny in '98
'01 was her namesake
then Aunt Karen...
I just sat there staring
at a hundred moments I lost along the way
still searching to this day
for their presence
and it's sent
in the smallest of moments

alas, el clase de espanol awaits...
and I choose to ignore the dates
on stone
that took away
my dearest loves
have to quit smoking
maybe if I keep writing it
it will someday come true

The reunion was over with on the 23rd... school started on the 26th, and well... i just finished my first week on time, with homework, and of course, sexier than hell

Yeah... well sometimes I'm stinky and sexy... so there ya go

--------------

Tell me the words that have been flowing through your heart
speak to me of the world
let us never part

I will save myself for this demon of my night
but he has to admit
he's crazy as sh*t
over me..
it ain't right


My clit swells and nipples grow erect
thinking of you inside me
alas, it's only a dream.

And another will warm me tonight
I will rub his back and treat him right
but my heart aches for you
now what's a girl to do

I will wait for you
I will always be true
but don't make me do it
if you're never coming around
Day in day out
I pray I hear the sound
of your footsteps in my hallway
but it's just a foolish fantasy...
-----------------------------------------------

"Please release me, let me go. I don't want you anymore. To live together is a sin, release me and let me love again." - Patsy Cline

Was that disrespectful
I am so confused
by the things you do
either you love me or you don't
if she's the one for you
then I won't
bother you anymore
but I'll never be your whore
again
until you've said
con permiso mi amor
estoy muy soleno?> sh*t, can't remember sorry
back to the books
glad you took
a look
at me
and my fantasy...

The mentioning of thongs reminded me
of a trip to Victoria's Secret
and the ten dollar panties

never in my life
had I paid such a price
for a small piece of fabric
but damn, they really fit

Not crawling up my crack
as the ones I'm wearing now
I moved and strutted with no remorse
and I never again wondered how

women could spend so much
on a tiny piece of cloth
I suppose I've said enough
about this silly little stuff...
off to choir practice
like a good little girl

Awkward beginnings
terrible timing
stupid rhymes
unbearable moments
in the back of my head
wish I were dead
shouldn't have ever met you
what's a girl to do
when she's in love
with a fvcker
angels under the cover
of dark

Long hair falls down on two erect soldiers
A crossness in his voice as he commands respect
Egotistical outlook on the placement of women
never admitting he's done a damn thing wrong
I've written that boy two damn songs
and he doesn't know the words
he doesn't care to hear
I am lost...

Like an unattained metaphor
on the tip of my tongue
I see him melting into the sun
and wonder if at last
this time will pass
my heart freed from his sadistic chains
never ending game

I am lost, help me Lord
show me the light
I've prayed
you always point the way
to him
but it is a sin
so tell me what you want from me?

I tried to make him see
but undoubtedly
he has become
a fire I can't put out
give me back my sun
these clouds and cool rains
are driving me insane
thank God it's Friday...