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haha Stress...

I've actually called my children's da, in bits from all the verbal abuse, crying my eyes out and demanding he do something ...it's quite funny really - I think I've rung him about three times in the last four or five years when it was really bad and I just couldn't take it anymore.

He ends up telling me that I am right and they are totally wrong..how dare they speak to their mother like that and then he tells them the same about me.

I think I might make him suffer as much as me more often and call him daily to complain about them as a release for me.

Manny..I know...I kept my parents busy well into their dotage.

and I can't wait to be a grandmother..it's the thing I'm looking forward to the most when I'm about 70 yrs old...

Fingerless Glove wrote:haha Stress...

I've actually called my children's da, in bits from all the verbal abuse, crying my eyes out and demanding he do something ...it's quite funny really - I think I've rung him about three times in the last four or five years when it was really bad and I just couldn't take it anymore.

He ends up telling me that I am right and they are totally wrong..how dare they speak to their mother like that and then he tells them the same about me.

I think I might make him suffer as much as me more often and call him daily to complain about them as a release for me.

Manny..I know...I kept my parents busy well into their dotage.

and I can't wait to be a grandmother..it's the thing I'm looking forward to the most when I'm about 70 yrs old...

To be fair, there mum is a fantastic mum in so many ways but it does seem as if occasionally she will descend down to there level so It seems as if there are three kids to deal with!
But that is unfair comment.
Some of the time it is impossible to comment on specifics so I just revert back to lecturing about attitude,commitment and values etc.
As,of course,an absent parent!!!!

It's actually impossible not to descend to their level at times..specially when you have more than one teen or preteen to contend with.

It's not a sign that you are a bad parent if you teens become all hormonal and do their utmost to send you either to an early grave or the nuthouse..it would be more worrying if your child wasn't developing naturally I think or worse if they never communicated with you..a little bit of shouting and pushing of boundaries is totally acceptable and to be expected.

There's millions of mothers and fathers in the western world in the same position...all tearing our hair out, going prematurely grey, feeling tired and defeated, crying into our bed pillows at night on any one night..most of the other nights we all experience the sheer ecstasy of inexplicable joy and pride in our gorgeous offspring because we are that unconditionally loving.

I am so glad that I am beyond the teenager stuff. Both out of their 20's...now.
They kept coming home in between adventures!!! That is what happens in their 20's while they finally complete university.
It doesn't quit after the teens these days.

My son has two daughters now and my daughter is trying to have a baby now that she is set financially.

Yes! Being a grandmother is Nature's revenge...and justice!!

Actually...I was lucky. My teenagers were not even half the problem I was a teenager.
My mother was trying to sell me when I was 16....then she gave up.

Hint:
Worry about the BIG stuff with them and not the little stuff.
Don't get into pissing contests with them....you will lose most of the time. Just give them consequences. A bit of adult reality is good for them.
This is their time to spread their "adult" wings and try out boundaries. It is natural.

The apron strings do hurt when they are being cut -off. Truly...they don't need you anymore except as a sounding board, roof over their heads and for money. They have their friends, jobs, extra-curricular and their loves. It is a good thing.
But...they still love you unconditionally. Don't ever forget that.

Let them fall on their face with some of their choices because they are still at home where you can safely see what is happening and to help pick them up sometimes...for them to try it again and again.

Good luck!

So many good responses.

She is eighteen going on 45. I'm lucky to have such great kids. I try not to let her see me sweat, but she quit talking to me for three days. I have a man in my life now, something that we all have to adjust to. Hopefully she'll come around and realize that mom is happy for the first time in six years. Fortunately they both like my sweetheart. She finally broke the silence last night. Our goofy, old, drunk neighbor lady got toilet papered, and my daughter couldn't help but send me a text.

Teenagers? I'd rather deal with a room full of terrible twos than a single teenager. T'hey're brutal!

There's millions of mothers and fathers in the western world in the same position...all tearing our hair out, going prematurely grey, feeling tired and defeated, crying into our bed pillows at night on any one night..most of the other nights we all experience the sheer ecstasy of inexplicable joy and pride in our gorgeous offspring because we are that unconditionally loving.

Thanks FG, that struck a chord for me.

Mine is 22 and joy and pride are taking a back seat to wrung out by high anxiety. He has broken my trust, so many times in the past month, especially the last three days, that my heart is freezing over fast, for sheer survival at this point. He isn't using drugs now. Hasn't for a few months but he is doing "dry" addictive behaviour and evading,with ridiculous subterfuge, some long overdue responsibilities toward me, like a new bad habit.

I'm fried and hanging onto my heart by a thread.

Page Turner wrote:

There's millions of mothers and fathers in the western world in the same position...all tearing our hair out, going prematurely grey, feeling tired and defeated, crying into our bed pillows at night on any one night..most of the other nights we all experience the sheer ecstasy of inexplicable joy and pride in our gorgeous offspring because we are that unconditionally loving.

Thanks FG, that struck a chord for me.

Mine is 22 and joy and pride are taking a back seat to wrung out by high anxiety. He has broken my trust, so many times in the past month, especially the last three days, that my heart is freezing over fast, for sheer survival at this point. He isn't using drugs now. Hasn't for a few months but he is doing "dry" addictive behaviour and evading,with ridiculous subterfuge, some long overdue responsibilities toward me, like a new bad habit.

I'm fried and hanging onto my heart by a thread.

Wondering if there's any improvement Page...I'm not sure what you mean by 'dry' addictive behaviour , if it's not drugs.

I had 2 sons go through adolescence at the same time....and would not wish that on anyone. I do think that it's best that they do get the rebellious streak out of their system, in their teens rather than 40's, but it is so upsetting, frustrating and exhausting. Mine would be openly aggressive, with temper, one minute, then like kids again sorry and needy the next...I blamed rushes of testosterone. Weren't violent toward me...just the walls and doors had a few holes punched in them. Bunking off school, or college, dabbling with drugs and being arrested twice, were my youngest son's activities, and also stealing from me, to finance his habit, or pay debts to friends. I'm glad to say that it has passed...but think it took 5 years of almost constant battles and testing the limits, and caused a handful of grey hairs on top and lots of anxiety. I think 15-20 was the worst.