POFUsers.com - Plenty of Fish Users Forum

..............your children's choice of friends?

My stepsisetr is really worrying at the moment as her eldest has become friends with a child at school who belongs to a traveller family. It made me wonder how much parents try to influence their childrens choice of friends..........................says the woman who's daughters best friend is known to all and sundry at Nitty Megan !

Thee other side of the coin I have witnessed is where the mothers really get on and try to make the kids friends so that they can spend loads of time together.....

OMG... Imagine the spleen venting if I had opened a thread with reference like that to travellers

Strangely, that wasn't actually the main focus of the post....................

ibakecakes wrote:Strangely, that wasn't actually the main focus of the post....................

No, but I bet it would be if I had OPd it...

Trampy, sit down mate I have something to tell you that might come as a bit of a shock. You ready? This post isn't about you and your cognitive distortions of victimisation. The world is not out to get you. Now chill out.

BACK TO TOPIC:

How much do I try to influence my children's choice of friends? I think it's a fine line between allowing them to make their own choices and guiding them towards people who will be a positive influence on them. For instance one of my son's friends is stealing from us all, so we are in the middle of working out how to deal with that. My daughter had a friend called 'O and friends' due to her constant head louse problem, when she stayed over I'd end up de-lousing her knowing she'd go back home to get instantly repopulated, but as a friend she was sweet. The stealing friend is a different matter though, we've given him the benefit of doubt because of who his family is, so maybe more fool us for doing so. Who knows.

(wrote this while swan wrote that, so did not see her post until after, so haven't responded to her points)

I can definitely see saddlebag's point....it's true he is given a very hard time often for what he posts...

so, moving on with the subject of this thread....well, first....
it was the traveller's word in there that was your point in your example, cakey,
implying they are a lower class and therefore implying it is undesirable for her stepsister's child to be befriending one....

so at what point do we recognize our prejudice and do we want to pass that onto our children?
I think, for me, that is really the more basic question you are raising....
(and I am not suggesting a prejudice in you, cakey!)

I have let each of my children befriend who they wanted and have not influenced who I'd open my heart to....
and, honestly, it was the time I befriended a group of three travellers camping out on Bodmin Moor
that strengthened my innate belief people are people, essentially. and my children were only 7 and 5 then.

diversity is key when it comes to raising children, I feel, especially these days as the world shrinks and we
need to encourage unity to find a way to survive long-term (imo).

editing to add....but if I found my children had become friends with anyone who did hard drugs or
was breaking the law with crime....or they had joined a gang, for example, then I would have tried to discourage it,
and refuse the person/people into my home....so I do have my limits too.

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Lets just take this back a step. The purpose of this thread was never to let this disintegrate into a discussion about predjucies or racism. My point was to give a current example of something that had been said to me, not my own opinion, but something that made ME think about how we as parents view our childrens friends. Please don't make this out to be something it's not...................it was an example, not a statement.
Leaving aside the 'example' I gave, how do we react to our childrens friends? Should we be involved?

sorry....ok....in the new light of your question - i have always loved my childrens' friends as family,
welcoming them into our home, into my heart, into our lives.

Thank you x

Moon Willow wrote:sorry....ok....in the new light of your question - i have always loved my childrens' friends as family,
welcoming them into our home, into my heart, into our lives.

What about the ones who you know come from a background of theft and drug dealing? How much influence do you try to have on your child befriending them?