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Last August my childs martial arts instructor was arrested and his clubs were closed down. There was no explanation so we were all rather puzzled and to start with, thought that he could have been in a fight and hurt someone.

Slowly over time bits and pieces of information came out that stunned us all. He was on bail until December and not allowed contact with anyone under the age of 18. This of course shifted people’s thinking to a different angle. He is a young, good looking, successful male so maybe a girl has been knocked back and made an accusation against him. Never did we suspect what did come out.

This week it has hit the local radio and newspaper that he has been charged with secretly filming boys, some as young as five and possessing downloaded images from the internet.

Clearly I have had to talk to my child as to why the clubs have been closed down but now that the details are in the public domain for all to see, I am at a total loss as what to say. How do I explain something I have no comprehension of? There is nowhere in my head that can understand how and adult can be sexually attracted to a five year old.

How old is your child?

Storm wrote:How old is your child?

14

If he is old enough to ask the question he is old enough to get the answer.. Now how you word it is all depending how you view his learning capabilities.. His awareness of such matters.. At 14 most lads would know there are 'bad men/women out there'.. It may be worth getting hold of the school and asking them to tackle the subject in sex ed or assembly.. I am afraid in this day and age the kids need to be aware of the dangers.. HTH

First of all it was much better that you did not say very much to your little one before you were aware of all the facts and he was charged.
If your child is still in regular contact with other members who he used to teach then there is no doubt that they will discuss it,and that at least one of those's family members would have told them the full facts.
Your child will become aware too due to that. Then all that your left with is to answer all of her questions as honestly and tactfully as you need to be.
It is an unfortunate fact that kids have to learn realities of life because to hid too much will not prepare them for it.

I concur storm.

my youngest is 15 and has had sex education through school...along with drug education...
so, depending where you are, it is very likely your son also is not ignorant of sex or sexuality,
and part of my son's education was paying attention to 'protect' themselves.

if i were having the discussion with my son,what I would say to keep it truthful,
but also not give any more details than necessary, is Iwould put it something like
his teacher crossed the boundaries of being a teacher...and so can't teach right now.

if your son asks more, you can ask if any of the other students or parents have been
talking about it....i find children and definitely teenagers are more intuitive and informed
than we often give them credit for....(i have two children in their late 20's also)...

so, my concern, more than awakening him to the facts that some people have 'distorted' sexual
attractions, my main concern would be to sensitively find out if he was violated in any way,
(sorry to be so blunt), or if he ever felt uncomfortable in any way...

it could become a very open and honest conversation with the two of you, daring to broach
an uncomfortable topic, but also probably a necessary one...
for all you know, he might come back at you, as they so often do, knowing all about the subject,
absolutely no way did he let him come near him, and he's glad he's no longer able to teach...
or it might bring the two of you closer with his appreciating your sensitivity and concern.

mostly for me, i have been so often amazed at how 'streetwise' my kids are, being so much more
relaxed around uncomfortable subjects than me. they're pretty sharp, these days, basically.

i wish you both well and pray all will be ok. trust it will be....trust it is now. i'm sorry this happened.

You would be better to explain it to the child as a gross violation of privacy per say as opposed to the sexually explicit aspects. That way you can still emphasize the right and wrong aspects, and leave the sexuality component until later discussions.

There is no harm in teaching a child a good understanding of others rights to privacy, and why it is a cardinal offense (criminal law or ethical law) to violate that. On the other hand he may use that against you when you search his room for drugs ......but thats a different thread......

Good luck.

Hiya Deb

I'd really just tell her the simplest version of the truth. No point making up stuff, and most 14 yr olds have heard of paedophilia becuase it does seem to be in the public's awareness far more these days. It might be an idea to get some facts about it ready in your head just in case she asks more questions than you were expecting. She's a sensible girl, she'll grasp the concept better than you would think. You ok? It must be a dreadful shock. We're overdue a ladies wot lunch up at the Dolphin anyway. xx

Good thoughts here so I'll just add I think it is perfectly fine to say you have "nowhere in my head that can understand how an adult can be sexually attracted to a five year old."

We don't need to have all of the perfect answers and complete understanding. Sometimes muddling through it together is where the magic is.