POFUsers.com - Plenty of Fish Users Forum

ephinwell ewsless wrote:

Anyone who talks about how the bully "provider" got away scot free is either directly or indirectly making themselves a victim.

How so? Pointing out that some absentee parents shirk their responsibilities, and that some of the systems for dealing with child support are inadequate is not declaring oneself a victim, its just stating facts.

I've had not so much as a pair of socks for my kids from the womb donor in almost 4 years, but I'm not a victim, quite the opposite in fact, she keeps her money and has to deal with her conscience, I keep the kids...sounds like a top deal to me!

If there are any victims after a family split, its the chldren who have to get their heads around the loss of a parent.

This is what I mean by people who have never had the experience of having to raise kids on their own. They really don't know what emotional aspects are involved.

""Anyone who talks about how the bully "provider" got away scot free is either directly or indirectly making themselves a victim.""

Wow ... that is just nuts.



Some people think because they are hanging there that they have them.

^^^ Thank you kind Sir and comrade in single parenthood! Kudos to you
on a job well done, I am certain.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist, counsellor or post detective to notice
that I said quite clearly in another thread that I ran for the life of my child
and my own when my son was four months old. My husband was extremely,
privately abusive and that included expert manipulation.

In my post on this thread I pointed out that no matter what he offered
he immediately reneged on his ordered payments for eight long years.
After that he payed extremely sporadically and only made a show of paying
to keep his California driver's licence( when the courts down there FINALLY
caught up with him). He then would quit again by using corporate antics and
his many connections and advantages in an industry
that is perfectly suited to do so.

Finally, that walk down the courtroom aisle where he slung numbers at me
was, on his part, in full knowlege that whatever he offered( I suspect to get laid
a few last times, which wouldnt of happened but worth a shot, lol) he would
leave for LA only a few weeks later and not pay a dime for many years AND
never see his son, to this day, even though we spent a year, from afar, hammering out
safe AND liberal access for our infant.

I didn't think it was necessary to spell it out this way and reveal this much info.
I was sure my post said it all because of my clear statement that he did not pay
even the meagre sum that our lawyers agreed to and I didnt mention then something even
I didnt know, that he had no intention of doing so.

Jeez!
The things that transpire when one of the "slaggees" is absent is appalling.
I thank those who "get it", trust me and justifiably so.

*Manny* wrote:[b][i]First, I am a single parent, and the only victims were my kids! I have had custody since they were 7 and 9. They are now 22 and 24. The youngest is still with me. There was no help at all from the ex, nor did I ask for any.

I have so much respect for single parents. Especially men who did it back in the day when it was mostly the women who were expected to be the care giver.

Society has been so unforgiving to single parents and those who have never been in the position can just never understand.

I have no doubts that both Manny and ephinwell ewsless, to me are to be so respected. I actually think being a single father is harder than being a single mother.

I can imagine that it might be easier for a single mother to date than for a single father. Perhaps because it is or was more common for the mother to have the kids with her most of the time, so faced with a man who also has his kids most or all the time that can be overwhelming.

I think the change is good for parents to share, but there is no sharing when one parent just refuses to care for their kids. Men or women ... Sharing consists of time with the kids, money to feed and cloth them and those who walk out on their responsibilities are just showing their lack of love for their kids. Period. There is no defending them.

As Manny said the victims are the kids.

Thank you Manny ... going to get one of those new smilies for you Ohhh this one is called romance-lovegoddess

Page Turner wrote:When I saw your name next on this thread I thought "oh no, he is going to call BS as it all sounds so trauma after trauma,impossible to believe".

More often the truth is so complex and mind boggling that people easily discern it as being a lie, since their own experience and beliefs conflict with such information. Society conditions people to disbelieve anything that discredits the public norm, so the automatic gut reaction is "that person is not telling the real truth."

I have seen horror stories in regards to child welfare and divorce that no one would believe. Several of them have ended in death, where the victim lost their life, and the perp was credited with being the hero in the story. In once sided divorce outcomes this is exceptionally common. It is not about trying to play a victim card, but about trying to make people understand that this kind of crap actually happens to people. Hollywood itself often could not make up a story so unbelievable. So much of it comes from the indifference that social welfare workers, bureaucrats, and authorities have for the people forced to deal with the broken systems.

BTW There is a big difference between accusing someone of BSing and calling them a liar. The former just means they got their facts wrong, or that they are manipulating the facts to reach a false conclusion. Semantics perhaps, but still.........

It is not about trying to play a victim card, but about trying to make people understand that this kind of crap actually happens to people.

Exactly!

I have so much respect for single parents. Especially men who did it back in the day when it was mostly the women who were expected to be the care giver.

Society has been so unforgiving to single parents and those who have never been in the position can just never understand.

I have no doubts that both Manny and ephinwell ewsless, to me are to be so respected. I actually think being a single father is harder than being a single mother.

I can imagine that it might be easier for a single mother to date than for a single father. Perhaps because it is or was more common for the mother to have the kids with her most of the time, so faced with a man who also has his kids most or all the time that can be overwhelming.

Ditto!

Ditto. Being a single father has got to be much harder. My neighbor's wife ran off & left him with 5 girls, the youngest was only 7. His whole life & the children's life was turned upside down. Thankfully he had us neighbors & relatives to help out. He never received a penny in support from his wife. She only saw the children once a year, when it was her birthday. The stories I could tell would make a grown man weep. I have no idea how he managed to rear such wonderful well balanced girls. I really wonder sometimes if I could have. By the grace of God there go I!

The was a woman poster on POF who had a similar name to Savona (Sabrosa, Sabrusa, something like that), also had dark hair and a pretty face, and was in the same general age group. I bet Teen Wolf is confusing the two posters.

HannaSolo wrote:I bet Teen Wolf is confusing the two posters.

I think Teen knows EXACTLY who he's referring to.

But i never read Savona talking about alimony,either and i think ALL single parents(whether male or female)have to be commended
(must be the hardest job on earth).

dotcom wrote:Give it a rest Teen, we are not here to be picked on, we are here to discuss. Someday you will learn that being bluntly honest is a fools way. Pointing out what you perceive as wrong is ludicrous. So what if you thought she lied, so what if you thought she was playing the victim. Sometimes it just isn't important & I think you did it on purpose just to cause an argument. Geez some people will do anything for attention, good or bad doesn't matter to them. So give it a rest, you had your 2 seconds of attention.

Give it a rest?

Here's an idea: How about you stop with the personal insults and actually address what is being said? I can assure you that I will always respond to a post that insults me.

You think Savona's post on my macro view of single parents (one that I've never provided) was intended for good discussion?

ephinwell ewsless wrote:How so? Pointing out that some absentee parents shirk their responsibilities, and that some of the systems for dealing with child support are inadequate is not declaring oneself a victim, its just stating facts.

Notice that I said "directly or indirectly". I never said that being a single parent is automatically a victim. It's what some people directly or indirectly attempt to do when telling a story. It can apply to anything. Reading a post by Savona may hit home what I'm referring to...

Savona wrote:I feel allot of frustration for single parents who try to start a new life, who pull themselves out of that nasty hole that can seem so deep and dark. I only came on here to give comforting words and perhaps help to a fellow poster who seemed to me was struggling.

Svaona wrote:This is what I mean by people who have never had the experience of having to raise kids on their own. They really don't know what emotional aspects are involved.

Once again, the concept of what I'm referring to isn't exclusive (or even necessarily applicable) to being a single parent. I could use other examples, but that would just open the floor for more tunnel vision.

*Manny* wrote:First, I am a single parent, and the only victims were my kids! I have had custody since they were 7 and 9. They are now 22 and 24. The youngest is still with me. There was no help at all from the ex, nor did I ask for any.

Second, I have read Page's story, and I don't see any victim statements by her whatsoever! Quite the contrary.

Third, I will vouch for Savona anytime. Her integrity is without question. As far as statements made on POF? Well, I go back a long way on that site, and I remember that thread very well. I may not have posted to it, but I read almost every post. I don't recall any statements made by her on alimony.

Calling people liars without the proof to back it up is way out of line for anyone, and certainly NOT the actions of a "man"

Until such time as you go through experiences encountered by a single parent, you will never understand their issues.

furthermore, you have the right to your opinion, but not to level unsubstantiated allegations and insults.

A few things...

1. Read statements above regarding what I said about single parents and the concept of victimization.

2. You can vouch for Savona all you wish. I know what I read.

3. You tell me that I don't have the right to insults, yet you choose to insult me. That makes you a hypocrite. Congratulations.

eyeofthecamera wrote:BTW There is a big difference between accusing someone of BSing and calling them a liar. The former just means they got their facts wrong, or that they are manipulating the facts to reach a false conclusion. Semantics perhaps, but still.........

Agreed.