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As an extension of the Child Support thread, how often does your children's other parent see your children? Given the issues with maintenance and I can imagine this is really tricky, i.e. waving a child off to a parent who doesn't contribute to their upkeep.

I might have many issues with my ex but we have shared custody so we are both an equal part of his life; in all honesty I think we both struggle seeing him only half the time in exactly the same way. I can't imagine not seeing a child as much as is humanly possible. I think we assume it's Dads in the main that don't want to see theirs but I know it can work the other way too ...

My ex sees the children every other weekend and one night in the week. He also quite often pops in on the weekend when he doesn't have them. It's very flexible as we get on and the children have always come first

The Bograt goes to his daddys every other weekend, he has him for a week in the summer holidays and a week after Christmas.

My daughter has seen her father twice in the last eight years.
He's just not interested.
Also, he chose to move to one of the most remote parts of the UK, so it's not like he can pop over of an afternoon.

It baffles me when a parent does not make full use of the time that they are able to see there kids.
But what clouds the issue is the main carer using the children as a pawn so that they can vent there spleen at there ex.
So many do this and I can understand the abscent parent feeling the need to back off for there own sanity and happiness.
It results in the child/children being very confused and unhappy because too often they are not only made aware of confrontations etc,but are drip fed miss information so that there thoughts and feelings are manipulated.
There is little wonder that some parents feel pushed away by the position that there put in.

well i dont like being in the position of having to beg him to support his children.......but i am , ..............

Hmmm..

The arrangements in this family have changed a lot throughout the years, initially the two older children would visit their dad most weekends and their little half brother would be heartbroken that he was left behind but I loved spending time with him alone, eventually he started going over to spend the weekend too and they all went on alternate weekends so I got to spend quality time with one child at least.

Nowadays my oldest son is completely disinterested in spending time with his dad, much to his father's chagrin, but it's up to daddy to find a way to make the visits begin again as I can't tell my son what to do at all.

Last Summer we bumped into my youngest son's dad and his partner and they asked him if he would like to meet up with them and the rest of the family sometime, they gave him their telephone no to ring anytime he liked but he decided that he doesn't want to see them at the moment, he said to me he didn't see the point as he is very content with life now.

His father had ignored earlier pleas by me to see his son and my son had yearned for his father for many years...I don't know if my son is punishing his dad now or not but it's a bit sad that he's not making use of time to connect with the other part of him, his father and two half-brothers.

Oh well.

Because my son is still young, if his dad were to go to court to seek access to him he would most likely get it....although at his height of 6'2" at age 15, I couldn't imagine physically dragging him off to see his dad.

The courts here wouldn't allow you to prevent access without good reason to the non-custodial parent.

Geordie Colin wrote:It baffles me when a parent does not make full use of the time that they are able to see there kids.
But what clouds the issue is the main carer using the children as a pawn so that they can vent there spleen at there ex.
So many do this and I can understand the abscent parent feeling the need to back off for there own sanity and happiness.
It results in the child/children being very confused and unhappy because too often they are not only made aware of confrontations etc,but are drip fed miss information so that there thoughts and feelings are manipulated.
There is little wonder that some parents feel pushed away by the position that there put in.

Baffles me too Col.
When the ex and I first split, I had to beg him to make an effort to have a routine with J, to call her every night to say goodnight and to see her at least every other weekend.
Then I had to watch him manipulate her using those very tools.
J is nearly 18 now, she is a beautiful, clever and caring girl, I'm immensely proud of her. Her father can't see any of it, he just doesn't care. How anyone can treat their own flesh and blood like an inconvenient and unwanted remnant of a failed relationship I don't understand. But an awful lot do.

Geordie Colin wrote:It baffles me when a parent does not make full use of the time that they are able to see there kids.
But what clouds the issue is the main carer using the children as a pawn so that they can vent there spleen at there ex.
So many do this and I can understand the abscent parent feeling the need to back off for there own sanity and happiness.
It results in the child/children being very confused and unhappy because too often they are not only made aware of confrontations etc,but are drip fed miss information so that there thoughts and feelings are manipulated.
There is little wonder that some parents feel pushed away by the position that there put in.

If anyone worth their salt wanted to see their kids, they would crawl over hot coals to do so, no matter what games were being played. They would at least keep the lines of communication open.

Pauline wrote:

Geordie Colin wrote:It baffles me when a parent does not make full use of the time that they are able to see there kids.
But what clouds the issue is the main carer using the children as a pawn so that they can vent there spleen at there ex.
So many do this and I can understand the abscent parent feeling the need to back off for there own sanity and happiness.
It results in the child/children being very confused and unhappy because too often they are not only made aware of confrontations etc,but are drip fed miss information so that there thoughts and feelings are manipulated.
There is little wonder that some parents feel pushed away by the position that there put in.

If anyone worth their salt wanted to see their kids, they would crawl over hot coals to do so, no matter what games were being played. They would at least keep the lines of communication open.

I am in full agreement with that.However,there are too many who subject there ex to so much each and every time there is any contact simply because they are the barrier between the child/ren and them.
Imotional maturity plays a part,and so much is dependant on one or both reaching that emotional maturity.If only one has then it can be down to the having the patience and hope,or the preference of not taking that chance as to continuing the abcent parent to be involved at all.
Minefield for both I guess?