POFUsers.com - Plenty of Fish Users Forum

Mrs Jones, can Johnny come play baseball with us. Mrs Jones, "Johnny can't, he doesn't have any arms or legs". Little boy, "can we use him for third base?"


Bob..I hear you screwed ole Linda legless. How did she like it? Mike, I don't know, go ask her. She's in the backyard. I left her hanging from the tree.

The Penis Study

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft.

After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.



After the US published the study, the French decided to do they're own study.

After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.




The Italians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study.

After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

restless_native wrote:Did you hear about the Irish terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe.

I remember as a bairn, we used this one
"Hear about the Irishman who tried to blow up the QEII?... couldn't fit his mouth round the funnel"...

On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere,
the following group of people is shipwrecked:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 English men and 1 English woman

One month later on the same island in the middle of nowhere,
the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
ménage-à-trois.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with
the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another long
look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant and
a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for
their stores.

The two Australian men are contemplating suicide because the Australian
woman keeps complaining about her body; the true nature of feminism; how she
can do everything they can do; the necessity of fulfilment; the equal
division of household chores; how her last boyfriend respected her opinion
and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her mother is improving,
and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.

The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and have set
up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it
gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut whisky. But
they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English
woman.

The other day I needed to go to the Accident & Emergency.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on a set of old Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet.

When I went into the A&E I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.

I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here's the patch.

Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.




It also works at DSS. It saved me 5 hours.

At the Laundry, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
did notwork at the pub though and ....
Don't try it at McDonald's ... the whole crew got up and left and l never got my order.

I went to see my friends new baby today.
She asked me if I wanted to wind it,
I thought "fcuking hell that's a bit harsh".
So I gave it a dead leg instead

A lovely southern woman was at a party, and went up to a northern woman and said: "Hello, there! Where are ya'll from?" The northern woman gave her a disdainful, icy stare and said: "I'm from somewhere where we don't end our sentences with a preposition." The southern woman said: "OK, where are ya'll from, b*tch?"

I'm disgusted of (near) Tunbridge Wells. You're all awful and will go to hell.





What's the only part of the cabbage you don't eat.

The wheelchair.