^^^ That'd be my first sorry contribution BTW, however........
Might as well lead with a legend that is "little Johnny"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher asks the class to name thingsthat end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good,that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes,that's another big word. Well done."
Then little Johnny screamed out,"Vibrator!"
After nearly falling off her chair,the teacher replied,
"That is a big word,but it doesn't eat anything."
"Oh,yeah?" stated little Johnny, "My mom has one and she says that it eats batteries like crazy!"
~~~
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
~~~
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked." To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Givin' up?"
~~~
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Johnny, looking a bit worried finally said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..."
~~~~~~ for non Johnny fans, how about ~~~~~~
Play it "safe"
I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me . . . it was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test . . . we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!
~~~~~~ or perhaps ~~~~~~
A Farmer in love
A guy walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says,
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy looks at her and replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous b*tch,
you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and the list goes on (with any luck)
