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I didn't read the whole thread..so, hopefully, not a repeat...

regarding differnt persepctives..my favorite serious topic...lol:



Subject: Two Women, Two Men; It's all about perspective!




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Two Women, Two Men; It's all about perspective!



Women are chatting in office.



Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?
Woman 2: Yes.


Woman 1: Was it good?
Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?


Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterward talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!



At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.


Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour – and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fcuking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
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This was sent to me via an email from a friend.


A bloke goes to the local council to apply for a job in the office.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine."

"Have you ever worked for the public service before?"

"Yes, I was in the army." he says, "I was in Iraq for two tours."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A mine exploded near me when I was there and I lost both of my testicles".

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to take you on right away. Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm...
...but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am - and carry on starting at 10.00am every day."

The bloke is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm, why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know"

"What you have to understand is that this is a council job," the interviewer says,
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our boll*cks. There's no point in you coming in for that."

A Doe comes running out of the woods out of breath and says-

I'll never do that again for two bucks!

You Know You're Trailer Trash If...

The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this!"

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your junior prom had a daycare.

You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Humphrey Osmond wrote:You Know You're Trailer Trash If...

You surprise me Humphrey,

The "correct" terminology is "sub-prime"

Jo van wrote:

Humphrey Osmond wrote:You Know You're Trailer Trash If...

You surprise me Humphrey,

The "correct" terminology is "sub-prime"

It's something you have to experience....

Speaking of emo, I wish the lawn was emo, ...then it would cut itself.

Lie Dectector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick.
His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.
It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy,
their 11 year old son, returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.

'Where have you been?
Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy,
knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'

'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.

'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.

'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him,
knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up,
sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied.
We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I am ashamed of you son,' said John.
'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'

The robot then walked around to John
and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said,
'Boy, did you ever ask for that one!
You can't be too mad with Tommy.
After all, he is your son!'

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha
and knocked her out of her chair.

A guy is driving in Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale". So he rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard.



The guy goes into the back yard and sees a labrador sitting there.



"You talk?'' he asks.



"Yep" replies the lab.



"So what's the story?".



"Well" replies the Labrador, "I found out quite young that I could talk and decided I wanted to help the government so I told the police about my gift. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders. Because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping, I was one of their most valuable spies for 8 years running. But all the jetting around was tiring me out and I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.



I got a job at the airport doing undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

I uncovered some incredible smuggling operations and was awarded a bunch of medals.



Eventually I got married, had a load of puppies and now I'm just retired."



The guy is amazed. He goes back inside and asks Paddy how much he wants for the dog.



"Ten Euros." says Paddy.



"TEN EUROS! But this dog is amazing ! why are you selling him so cheap?"



"Because he's a feckin' liar. He never did any of that shite."

Canada and the USA share a common mother, that being England, but while America’s father was apparently Jesus, Canada’s was France. While little brother Canada may not be able to throw the ball as far as its “cool” older half-brother America, Canada can at least find itself on a map (of course, Canada finds itself by locating the USA and going north, much like Mexicans find America by locating Mexico and going north).