POFUsers.com - Plenty of Fish Users Forum

HOW MANY FORUM MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

1 to move it to the Lighting section after 2 have argued to move it to the Electrical s section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to investigate the backgrounds and previous posts of the responders.

6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb” … another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp”

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that “light bulb” is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what supermarkets are offering discounts on brands of light bulbs, and what customer service they expect in a light bulb shop

4 to say that they’ve been disappointed in Light bulb Live for the last 4 years

12 to ask why those 4 keep going to Light bulb Live only to complain about it

1 to break the news about the new limited release light bulb

1 to post that the news was already broken in another thread and start a poll about reading entire threads

12 to post that they shouldn’t mention limited releases because someone might buy them to resell
1 to insist he has every right to buy and sell light bulbs

1 to obsessively insist that no-one should make profit from light bulbs on this forum

5 to post that they’ve collected 11 of the limited edition light bulbs already so might as well get the whole set.

32 to not bother posting because there’s no post count showing anymore

8 to say that their electric company sent them 4 free light bulbs, when quite clearly they would have preferred the moon on a stick.

6 to post thinly veiled criticisms of forum staff’s management of light bulbs

15 to post that forum staff can do exactly as they want with their own light bulbs

6 to pretend they were just asking innocent questions about light bulb management and didn’t do anything wrong

1 to ask that forum staff backup all mention of light bulbs so they can write a book about their really interesting life with light bulbs

11 to reply that it’s not a personal light bulb anecdote storage facility

7 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL’s

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including pictures, and add “Me too”

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”

13 to say “do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs”

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

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Meanwhile the one woman on the forum has just got on with it and changed the light bulb thereby making the whole discussion redundant.

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The Day the Penis asked for a Raise



I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift..
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65..
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,

V. Gina

Nurses are not supposed to laugh....

'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers,
revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen.

Length and width, it couldn't have been any bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse
and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Fred replied.

She ran out of the room.

SON OF A b*tch FISH!

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.
On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a b*tch!"
"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a b*tch fish!"
"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a b*tch!"
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
"Father, that's the biggest Son of a b*tch I've ever seen."
"Yes, it is a big Son of a b*tch. What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it! Of course You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a b*tch!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.
While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a b*tch I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a b*tch fish!"
"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a b*tch?"
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a b*tch for his dinner.
"I'll even clean the Son of a b*tch," she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
"What are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a b*tch for the new Bishop's Dinner."
"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"
"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a b*tch Fish."
"Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a b*tch can be the main course!"
"Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a b*tch."
On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.
The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.
The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"
"I caught that Son of a b*tch!" proclaimed the proud priest.
"And I cleaned the Son of a b*tch!" exclaimed the Sister.
The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a b*tch using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile crept across his face as he said,
"You Fuckers are my kind of people!"

Rum & Coke


A priest was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to St. John's .
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Newfie asked for Rum & Coke, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust..... "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

'An ambulance just drove by!'

'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.

'Matt's riding a new bike!'

'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

'Jason is on his skate board!

After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'

Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!

Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're shagging?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.

The Pastor's Ass


The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.


The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.



The next day the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.


This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.


The Bishop fainted.He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.


The Bishop was buried the next day.


The moral of the story is . ................ ... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . ................. even shorten your life.


So be yourself and enjoy life.


Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a nice day!

A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all


one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf Quay.



As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by.


'You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?' he asked.


'Yes, I am.' replied the sobbing girl.


Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.


'Look, nothing's worth that. ..... I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for Australia tomorrow.



Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there.



I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night



and I'll look after you if you look after me - if you know what I mean?



You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found'.


The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night..



For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water,



and making love to her until dawn.


Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats..



He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation.


The girl came clean and told the captain her story,



'I've stowed away to get to Australia . One of the sailors is helping me out.



He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night, and he's screwing me.'

The captain stared at her for a moment before he replied,



'He certainly is love. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry.'